In May of 1997, I wrote this list. I had passed my thirtieth birthday
and wanted to tell younger women about the things I really wished I’d had and
known by that important milestone. I guess people agreed with what I had to
say, because a few years later the list showed up in my e-mail inbox; a friend
had forwarded it to me for my reading pleasure, completely unaware that I was
the author. After that, every month or two someone would send it to me and I’d
immediately hit “reply all” and type, “Hey, that was me! I wrote that for Glamour.”
(After a while, I don’t think anyone believed me.) The list became a
phenomenon; posted on hundreds of websites, it was attributed to everyone from
Jesse Jackson to Maya Angelou to Hillary Clinton. Someone even published it as
an anonymously written book. As I read over these lines now, so many of them
still seem worth having and knowing—whether you’re 30 or 22 or 75. Being a
little older and a little wiser, I’ve plugged in a few new “shoulds.” By
all means, add some of your own.
By 30, you should have:
1. One old
boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far
you’ve come.
2. A decent piece of
furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.
3. Something perfect to
wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.
4. A purse, a suitcase and an
umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.
5. A youth you’re content to
move beyond.
6. A past juicy enough that
you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.
7. The realization that you are
actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to
help fund it.
8. An e-mail address, a voice
mailbox and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you.
9. A résumé that is not even
the slightest bit padded.
10. One friend who always makes you laugh
and one who lets you cry.
11. A set of screwdrivers, a
cordless drill and a black lace bra.
12. Something ridiculously expensive
that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.
13. The belief that you deserve it.
14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise
routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t
get better after 30.
15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a
satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get
better.
By 30, you should know:
1. How to fall in
love without losing yourself.
2. How you feel about
having kids.
3. How to quit a job,
break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.
4. When to try harder and when
to walk away.
5. How to kiss in a way that
communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.
6. The names of: the secretary
of state, your great-grandmother and the best tailor in town.
7. How to live alone, even if
you don’t like to.
8. How to take control of your
own birthday.
9. That you can’t change the
length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents.
10. That your childhood may not have been
perfect, but it’s over.
11. What you would and wouldn’t
do for money or love.
12. That nobody gets away with
smoking, drinking, doing drugs or not flossing for very long.
13. Who you can trust, who you can’t
and why you shouldn’t take it personally.
14. Not to apologize for something that
isn’t your fault.
15. Why they say life begins at 30.
