Date Twenty-One...The Nail in the Coffin

Was there ever a time when things just weren't going your way? That's my entire September. From fender benders to whiplash to missed Masters deadlines, it's been a terrible month for me and I've been Little Miss Grumpy on overdrive.

Just when I thought the month of malarkey was over I got a rather unusual call from a friend on Friday night. She started out on a mysterious note saying she wasn't sure how I'd react and she was sorry to tell me...I'm like get on with it because I was too groggy to play Jeopardy. Four words later.."Voldemort got married today".

I mustered, "really? woooow!" She asked if I was ok, I said yeh, spoke a lil bit more, ended the call, rolled over and tried to go back to bed. The next morning (Saturday), the impact of what she said really hit me and I spent some quiet time analysing how I really felt about it. My first reaction was that of shock because even though we are ex's, in small talk I've never heard him mention a girlfriend less a fiancée. I'm also still pretty chummy with his mum and sister.. no mention from them either about a betrothed. It was all so secretive so I didn't see it coming at all. My next reaction was that of plain awkwardness and just saying wow on repeat. How would I react to him in person after this? Should I message him to say congrats?

As the day progressed, I got a few calls and messages from people asking if I was ok since they had heard the news. Was I not to be ok?

The more and more I ruminated on it I moved from feeling awkward to pretty much super awkward. I felt like I was being observed for an expected breakdown. I messaged my mother Saturday night to give her the news. Her first reaction made me laugh, "Who gets married on a Friday!? Yu sure bout it?"

I replayed all of my emotions since hearing the news and noted that my first reaction wasn't to be sad or upset, only shocked that it had happened so quietly considering he's kinda show-boaty. I didn't have a fit of jealousy. I didn't start reminiscing on the good times. I didn't think or obsess on how things didn't work out. I didn't imagine myself in a wedding dress standing next to him. I didn't want him back.

I saw pictures. I saw him in his suit and her in her dress.

I remembered how toxic things were. How I tried past all common-sense to get us to fix what was wrong and how 'love' couldn't patch what was irretrievably broken. I remembered how much happier I was when it was over and how I felt so free.

What I learned more than anything else this weekend was that I was completely and honestly over my first love and my first heartbreak. I'll always care about him but I am no longer in-love with him.

Voldemort got married, that's what we do when we fall in love. Congrats and all the best.