Date Twenty...I'm Afraid To Get [emotionally] Naked

This week, I came across a quote that resonated quite deeply with me:

"People fall in love with each other’s rough edges. Paradoxically, it’s our flaws and vulnerabilities that make us unique and endearing towards others"

Vul.ner.a.ble [vuhl-ner-uh-buh]
adjective
1. capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt, as by a weapon: a vulnerable part of the body
2. open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc: an argument vulnerable to refutation; He is vulnerable to bribery
3. open to assault; difficult to defend: a vulnerable bridge

Vulnerability is not something I do very well. In fact if it were a university course elective, I'd get a big fat 'W'. If I could think of two things ex's (post Voldemort) would say about why we never stuck it through it'd be:

1. I rarely ever 'let them in' on my feelings or insecurities
2. I quit when things started to get too close or intimate

In a nutshell, I guess I'm petrified of being vulnerable.. I'm terrified of being the chink in my own armour and I'm frightened of being emotionally naked. I don't think being vulnerable means being weak but it certainly involves uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. Stripped and unmasked, my deep seated fear would be someone might take unfair advantage my feelings and I can't have that. Ironically, this vulnerability that I fear is one of the secrets of successful relationships.

This aversion to presenting the unfiltered version of myself is to be blamed on past hard felt lessons and experiences. It doesn't mean that I am any less real or authentic but that I don't show all my cards in the first hand.

I've always believed that people are intrinsically selfish and always act on their own agenda. We're only in it for ourselves. On that note, acting as selfishly as we all do, I believe we have the propensity to hurt people even if we're not trying to.

But still, hard as it is, I'm hoping its not entirely impossible to allow the right person in. I'm not feigning perfection under any kind of mask, but I guess you do what you gotta do to protect yourself until you believe someone will take as good-a-care of you as you do yourself. 

So here's to scaling emotional walls, slaying the dragons of doubt and seeing beneath the beautiful. Life is messy and imperfect. I'm imperfect and that makes me beautiful...