Date Eighteen...Drive, Reverse, Neutral!

Whenever i'm tempted to write a blog entry, I do a lot of mental editing. Its a battle not to say too much but to say exactly how i feel.

I guess it all started one fateful tweet ago..and now we are here. Where's here you ask? In the lovely state of limbo.

Earlier this year, I saddled myself up for a ride in the spirit of being open minded and all the other junk. Convinced that I wasn't sure where it'd be headed... I guess I tried to go with the flow and there endeth my bright idea..

So here we are..stick shift stuck in neutral

                                                                            ... but I know how to drive stick..

Date Seventeen...Prison Stripes a La Mode

I guess i consider myself pretty moral. I know what i'm about and i'm always shooting to do the 'right' thing. I pretty much have an idea what i will and wont do but i also know that a wise man 'never says never'.

Enter my conundrum and how i've found myself on the opposite side of the fence.

Guilty or not guilty? Let's see if the reward is worth the ride...

Date Sixteen... Euphemisms and Expectations

In life, we 'get what we expect'.. if you expect to choke on a speech in front a gajillion people, you do right? and if you expect to fail, you fail, right?

That's what I thought too..expectations are self-fulfilling prophecies. Its like we become our own psychics and naturally believe that whatever it is that we are harping on will happen just the way we planned it in our heads...and when it doesn't, we become confused and disappointed.

Expectation is not a synonym for 'hope' wherein as the first I think is a 'future belief of what one wants to happen/see's happening' and the latter conveying the belief of 'optimism for positive outcome but sometimes without a defined path of achieving goals desired'. You can HOPE to win the lotto.. but you better not EXPECT to!

I learned pretty quickly in life that expectations are the devil and I try to manage them as realistically as I can in all areas - work, relationships, friendships, buying shoes blindly online et al.

Expectations give far too much power to the 'expectoring' (yes i'm coining my own words now...and what!?) and you the 'expectant' sit and wait for them to play the winning poker card.

Considering I learned to play poker this past birthday, I wouldn't say I'm the strongest player and won't be entering any major jackpot tables soon ergo if expectations only lead to disappointments-in-waiting, why do we sit around and wait for others (people, circumstances) to disappoint us?

So here is to everything being everything and living on the 'expectations of realistic girl' who doesn't wear rose coloured glasses..

#patience

#bidingmytime

#livefornow

Date Fifteen...Oh Yes, I'm the Great Overthinker..Ooh Ooh

I had an absolutely stellar birthday... not a 'freaking' one but nevertheless a wonderful birthday. From spas to sushi to surprise parties, I have some pretty great friends who are committed to seeing that I don't go completely mad and who remind me that i'm perpetually loved. Trust me, I love you guys from the depths of my foot bottom..

While my birthday might have fell short on the 'freaking'.. it did however start with a new crush. I've mentioned before how much I hate crushing. I'm an over analyzer  I think of things from the weirdest angles and directions.. I put things together that perhaps don't fit, I'm constantly ruined by moments of 'what ifs', 'i wonder' or 'suppose'. My imagination goes in overdrive, quicker than Lewis Hamilton or Sebastian Vettel on an F1 track...it stays speeding till I've figured out how the chess pieces fall into play..

In the 'big game', there are only reviews and replays. Everything is in retrospect and in 20/20 hindsight. Guess it wouldn't be any fun if we saw all the plays in advance...I guess that makes me a bad sportswoman for scheming on how I can press the fast forward. Where is Ms Cleo when you need her fake behind to give you some kinda clairvoyance?


Buckled up and saddled in for a ride...

Date Fourteen...(Single Girl) Birthday 'Blues'

I suppose its rather silly to start this blog out with salutations for 2013 right.. so i'll forgo all of that nonsense plus the apology for prolonged absence and just dive head first into what i'm thinking...makes sense eh?

So with exactly a week less to go before i turn 25 again...its time for over thinking .. This is my third single birthday...i'm not sure how to feel about that..empowered, indifferent or sad? I love birthdays, ok no...i hate birthdays till the actual day itself. I dread turning older and inching towards 30 but I love the actual day...the calls, the 'made much of' by friends, the whole enchilada but leading up to the day is a whole sad countdown.

For this particular birthday, history repeats itself but I think there is a little more bulk to the 'mopey myrtle' countdown with the being bogged down with school deadlines and swelling work responsibility - dare I say that i'd rather not celebrate it alone.

Christ I've caught couple fever.... or maybe just maybe, i need to get laid...

Happy 'Freaking' Birthday ...

Date Thirteen...My Shopping Addiction

Impossible. My last blog was in MAY... im-freakin-possible!!

To anyone that actually missed my ramblings, sincerest apologies. blame work, school, the inflation of the USD, Lebron's hairline..anything but me.

I return to you fresh on my sick bed watching Hannibal and shoe shopping online.

That said, why haven't we invented a way to legitimately shop for partners online? And by that i don't mean weirdo's from craigslist; the overly romanticized e-harmony or blessed be christiansingles.com. 

I mean one whereby i'm guaranteed to get EXACTLY what i want.. not a 'closest' match... not a 'best' match...not a 'next best'...but just exactly what i want..

I love my stilletos, my flats, my sandals, my puma's, my bridgets, my bcbg's, my allstars, my aldo's... i'm a true shoe fiend but for footwear and men, the foundation criteria is the same:

©     i like em pretty 

©      i like em comfortable 

©      i like em unique 

©      i like em durable...

Consider me Cinderella and I’m looking for something that’s ‘made to fit’ :-) 

“Men are like shoes. Some fit better than others. And sometimes you go out shopping and there's nothing you like. And then, as luck would have it, the next week you find two that are perfect, but you don't have the money to buy both.”

- Janet Evanovich, 'Plum Lovin'

Date Twelve....Till boredom do us part

I, fashionably poignant charming muse aka me, take you Idris Elba/Common/Michael Ealy, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death boredom do us part. 

For starters, I respect relationships – the married, the shack up, the de wid, the try a ting, the committed and the uncommitted. Do what works for you. However, I’m not sure if I believe in the ‘together forever’ business.

As women, we’re trained to dream about the ‘big day’ -  the handsome man, the yards and yards of tulle, the photography, the princess dress and the 6 tier cake but when the honeymoon is over and all you have for the rest of your lives are each other, how do you ensure sustainability?

I mean, wedding vows have to be practical for the times...there are so many distractions and so much interference – how do 21^st century couples make it?

Take my married friend, his wife is beautiful and charming. Their kids are beautiful. They own a home and cars, the picket fence yet, he’s seemingly not happy or satisfied. 

Another one I know has his steady woman, they are unmarried and childless but ‘making life together’, yet he isn’t exclusive. I’ve had frank conversations with him about his need to engage other women and his rationale wasn’t that his woman is unsatisfactory... but just that he has one life to live, women are beautiful, he’s got to live it up as much as he can.

I ask, are we innately built to be monogamous?  I fall in lust at least 3 times a week. So no I don’t think we are. Societal/Religious rules I think makes us believe we are.

Only 3-5 percent of the roughly 5000 species of mammals including humans are known to form lifelong, monogamous bonds with the loyal faithful including geese, beavers, wolves and bats.

Scientists break down monogamy in the animal kingdom into three categories:

1. Sexual monogamy: The practice of having sex only with one mate at a time.

2. Social monogamy: When animals form pairs to mate and raise offspring but still have flings -- or "extra-pair copulations" in science lingo -- on the side.

3. Genetic monogamy: When DNA tests can confirm that a female's offspring were sired by only one father.

I don’t know any 'happily ever' couples...and that’s sad. Unions are wrought with infidelity but that’s not to say it’s impossible and I never say never... 

However it seems more than anything else that our reality is social monogamy...