Date Eleven... The Blinking Red Light

Is it blinking yet? *wait wait wait*

*wait wait wait*….maybe he’s driving home….

*wait wait wait*…. I wonder if he’s ok??

I wonder if he’s trying to call me and my phone signal is fluctuating?  *wait wait wait*

Damn Digicel signal is probably off…*wait wait wait*

 I wonder if I should call him… or bbm him? *wait wait wa….sceams, my phone is blinking!!*

Read: ‘Email – Old Navy Mother’s Day Sale now on thru to May 15’

Damn it all it to hell….

Mix, Stir and Repeat this ish 24hours/7 days a week

I’m crushing on somebody hard and I couldn’t be more annoyed! The persistent thought dweller has converted good-good me into a bowl of mush and mash. I swoon and smile, he makes me laugh, we have a similar fondness for food and music and he’s pretty damn cute…but damn it all to hell, my expected euphoria is riddled with grief because having a crush sucks… yes I said it… I dislike crushing!

I expect you to say at this point, this knock kneed girl has no idea what she wants, cos now she find somebody she likes and her first reaction is disdain and nausea but:

i.              I spend all my good productive hours glancing at my phone wondering if he’s thinking of messaging me at the exact moment that he’s sauntering around in my head (which is every 10 secs grrr)

ii.            Having my emotions linked to someone else is exhausting…if he calls or messages, I’m a ‘please puss’ if not, I sulk…

iii.           I have to dress nice every day just in case he says lets link after work… Can’t afford a pop down day in the early stages…you must think i get up out of bed looking like a fox..

iv.           I daydream way way way way more often about ‘inappropriate’ things… mostly during work hours

v.             You have me googling and researching your behind!

vi.           I’m always over analyzing and waiting … I’m perpetually waiting for the blinking light and asking…what does the smiley face mean, why did he say that?

Crushing has left me tired, emotional and cranky. I’ve lost my restraint and self-control…this is straight primal behavior *insert call of the wild here*

Anyone else ever feel this way?

Date Ten.....I'm perpetually xx years old

Excerpt from a an article by Pamela Redmond Satran - 30  things every woman should know by thirty... since i'm perpetually 25, ive got '5' more years to add to my checked/highlighted ones below. Read and enjoy....

In May of 1997, I wrote this list. I had passed my thirtieth birthday and wanted to tell younger women about the things I really wished I’d had and known by that important milestone. I guess people agreed with what I had to say, because a few years later the list showed up in my e-mail inbox; a friend had forwarded it to me for my reading pleasure, completely unaware that I was the author. After that, every month or two someone would send it to me and I’d immediately hit “reply all” and type, “Hey, that was me! I wrote that for Glamour.” (After a while, I don’t think anyone believed me.) The list became a phenomenon; posted on hundreds of websites, it was attributed to everyone from Jesse Jackson to Maya Angelou to Hillary Clinton. Someone even published it as an anonymously written book. As I read over these lines now, so many of them still seem worth having and knowing—whether you’re 30 or 22 or 75. Being a little older and a little wiser, I’ve plugged in a few new “shoulds.” By all means, add some of your own.

By 30, you should have:

1.         One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.

2.        A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.

3.        Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.

4.       A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.

5.       A youth you’re content to move beyond.

6.       A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.

7.       The realization that you are actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to help            fund it.

8.       An e-mail address, a voice mailbox and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you.

9.       A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.

10.     One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.

11.     A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.

12.      Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve            it.

13.      The belief that you deserve it.

14.     A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of               life that don’t get better after 30.

15.     A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life                   that do get better.

By 30, you should know:

1.         How to fall in love without losing yourself.

2.        How you feel about having kids.

3.        How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.

4.       When to try harder and when to walk away.

5.       How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.

6.       The names of: the secretary of state, your great-grandmother and the best tailor in         town.

7.       How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.

8.       How to take control of your own birthday.

9.       That you can’t change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents.

10.     That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.

11.     What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.

12.      That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs or not flossing for very long.

13.      Who you can trust, who you can’t and why you shouldn’t take it personally.

14.     Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.

15.     Why they say life begins at 30.

Date Nine...carbons, copies and clones

And like the Eddie Murphy amidst multiple bad movie reviews I have returned....

Should we start this off with an apology or an explanation? #sighs

Lets just cut to the chase -  I've been absent. Loads of personal and professional changes but I resurface, ready to write. Thanks to all the persons who questioned me relentlessly about my blog... hope this shuts you up now *wink wink*

Throughout my 'sabbatical', loads of topics relevant to this blog crossed my mind...as is, I don’t even know where to start so here’s to the keypad, the chippies banana chips, the can of coke and 20 GB loaded iTunes on shuffle guiding the process.

Weddings are always good indicators to single people that no matter what toys we have at home, no matter who comes to visit every Saturday night or who calls on the same extension as nature that we are still alone.

So after attending the latest single self affirmation session last month (not to detract from how gorgeous the wedding was and how uber-sweet the couple are) I questioned why each suitor fell short of being ‘the almighty one’  then like my Christmas credit card bill in January, it hit me...

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result but I have far too keen taste in shoes and accessories to be declared insane so I’m not (entirely) mad...but I must be because I’ve been dating carbon copies of one man.

My rambling theory was pretty much confirmed this weekend when I asked my friend to weigh in on a 'potential' and she said, "he looks just like ‘he-who-shall-not-be-named, as did xxx and yyy and zzz" 

Have I really been dating carbon copies of Voldemort?