I, fashionably poignant charming muse
aka me, take you Idris Elba/Common/Michael Ealy, to be my husband, to have and
to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death boredom do
us part.
For starters, I respect relationships – the married, the shack up, the
de wid, the try a ting, the committed and the uncommitted. Do what works for
you. However, I’m not sure if I believe in the ‘together forever’ business.
As women, we’re trained to dream about the ‘big day’ - the
handsome man, the yards and yards of tulle, the photography, the princess dress
and the 6 tier cake but when the honeymoon is over and all you have for the
rest of your lives are each other, how do you ensure sustainability?
I mean, wedding vows have to be practical for the times...there are so
many distractions and so much interference – how do 21st century
couples make it?
Take my married friend, his wife is beautiful and charming. Their kids
are beautiful. They own a home and cars, the picket fence yet, he’s seemingly
not happy or satisfied.
Another one I know has his steady woman, they are unmarried and
childless but ‘making life together’, yet he isn’t exclusive. I’ve had frank
conversations with him about his need to engage other women and his rationale
wasn’t that his woman is unsatisfactory... but just that he has one life to
live, women are beautiful, he’s got to live it up as much as he can.
I ask, are we innately built to be monogamous? I fall in lust at
least 3 times a week. So no I don’t think we are. Societal/Religious rules I
think makes us believe we are.
Only 3-5 percent of the roughly 5000 species of mammals including humans
are known to form lifelong, monogamous bonds with the loyal faithful including
geese, beavers, wolves and bats.
Scientists break down monogamy in the animal kingdom into three
categories:
1. Sexual monogamy: The practice of
having sex only with one mate at a time.
2. Social monogamy: When animals form
pairs to mate and raise offspring but still have flings -- or "extra-pair
copulations" in science lingo -- on the side.
3. Genetic monogamy: When DNA tests can
confirm that a female's offspring were sired by only one father.
I don’t know any 'happily ever' couples...and that’s sad. Unions are
wrought with infidelity but that’s not to say it’s impossible and I never say
never...
However it seems more than anything else that our reality is social
monogamy...
